Missing Ministry

Today, I am sweetly missing something in a solemn sort of way; I am missing long drives past strawberry fields, old yellow houses tucked deep into the wood, the sound of laughter and stirrings of the heart that we call music blaring into the street. I am missing the way my eyes jump at dark corners and open parking lots and the way I stupidly stumble on my words. I am missing the pocket prayers leaving my lips urgently like groanings too deep for words, the need to stomp my feet and shout out of windows with them, for them. I am missing the notebook with their names, laying on top of my car in the the dead November night with young girls who don't know their worth yet, beholding the wide expanse of the sky along with the heart. I miss watching their eyes lift during that 15 minutes that I get to tell them what they must know - to offer them hope - and the way there is a hush over the room when I say the word Jesus. I miss seeing it unfold, the weeping eyes at finally understanding the truth, the chins that quiver and the hands that clap, and the voices that change shape in humble gratitude on those rainy nights when I drive them home as they ask, "why me? He loves me?"

I have been blessed by something greater than gold, greater than fame - greater than anything this world can offer. I have seen the gospel at work; an unraveling montage of gentle and irresistible love - the telling beauty that has uniquely and irrevocably captured a heart never to return the same. A love so compelling, that it calls for a new name, a new self. And by the mercy of a Gracious God, I have witnessed a soul, an eternal being, come home.

Oh, I know that I will have the opportunities to delight in a life rich with blessings, that I will laugh deeply, rejoice and mourn with community as there is a season for both. I know that I will continue to love, to hate, to be brought low, to be surprised by His goodness and His plan. I don't know if I will be directly involved with youth ministry as I have been - some days it

seems like the only thing I know. And I miss it. And I wait. But I know that He will put me where He wants me, and I pray that it brings me as much joy as those nights and conversations did. I pray that my life continues to be filled with those montage moments.