you surprise me every day. I think I'm growing fond of you, in a weird, heartache kind of way. I'm loving the breakfast burritos, the city lights at night and the way the sky rumbles giving us a wave of cool air. I love the community here, every neighbor actively promoting local businesses, organizing neighborhood parties, notifying residents of any concerns and quick to help out. The best part of this transition is finally discovering great friendships in the making, and genuinely beginning to feel comfortable in fellowship. Aaron and I had the best time on the 4th of July, sitting in an open field with our new friends overlooking fireworks and the city skyline. I'm pretty sure I could have kept talking without taking a breath because I was so happy to find friends, but at the same time, I feel like I had been holding my breath since we moved here and could finally breathe. What joy there is in Christian fellowship!
Above all else, I am thankful. When I feel scared, I remember how gracious He is. When I finally merge into that lane, I think about the grace extended to me. When I search the walls for giant cockroaches, when Zoey litters the house with trash while I'm gone, when the record player echoes a sad tune and I'm finishing a glass of wine, it's all grace, grace, grace. When I have those moments, I need to have them.
Aaron left Monday for a 2 month training rotation in Oklahoma. My heart is full for him, knowing that he will finally be doing work that interests and inspires him - knowing that he will use his gifts on this adventure. I am on survival mode, making myself do the laundry and wash the dishes, telling myself that I will adjust and eventually construct my days to be more productive; I will plan for school and library volunteering, I will continue some part-time dog walking, reading, working out, biking, blogging, I will learn to sew and throw myself into some new hobbies, I will learn to cook some new meals with a friend, I will find a ministry to be a part of, find my purpose here. I will spend my mornings and evenings in the quiet space of prayer and i will listen to His word. But I am reminded that apart from Christ, it is nothing. He is my remedy for loneliness, and He promises to meet me here. I am not alone with Him, and it's easy to forget His presence when I am desperate to find things to bide my time. I have been overwhelmed with love these past few days from friends and family reminding me that God is faithful, that I can't do this without Him so don't even try to - it strengthens and teaches me. My sweet sister-in-law sent me these encouraging words:
"...You will grow to appreciate marriage in a way you hadn't realized until this separation. You will notice the little (and big) things that Aaron does - things that make you feel safe, loved, joyful, special. Marriage is such a gift and it won't be easy to be temporarily apart from your match - but - what a wonderful way to discover new things about him and be reminded of your husband while he is away! It will make the time with him even sweeter when he returns. I think of it in a similar way to learning about our heavenly prince. All of the beautiful things I learn about him in this earthly life will help me worship and adore him even more in heaven when I am reunited with my Savior..."
Yes, as you can see, I have much to be thankful for.