Aaron's been home since the first of the month, and he has been the sweetest husband a girl could ask for. He's picking up the slack while I slave over my studies, working full-time and then coming home to do the laundry, make dinner, walk the dog, wash the car, do the dishes.. and much more. He tells me he's proud of me and I think I stare at him and squint my eyes like I can't even believe he's really here, finally.
No matter how many times I tell myself that I'll catch up, and then I will address those "big things" in life, the work keeps piling up. It finally hit me like a ton of library books - no really, about 30 children's books hit me square in the face when they fell off the shelf at the library - I am trying to do this on my own.
It was like walking into a surprise party just for you - I finally see it! It all makes sense now, and thank the Lord for revealing what's really true! I could almost hear the cheers. All those awkward moments I tried to convince myself that I could figure it out, all those pep talks that I told myself in the mirror were really just excuses to keep trudging along under my own strength, because I had convinced myself that was the only way. And now it makes sense, surprise! You thought it was just going to be you here in this empty house and another boring night deciding what to make for dinner, but no, you turn on the light and you get it all: the most exciting news. You're not alone, God has orchestrated something greater! Your purpose is here! He has prepared you a way with instructions to rest assured in his sovereignty, not to get it right. His strength is yours, he takes care of it. What joy, what a party! Let's celebrate the risen King, and let's breathe easy that we belong to him. Being busy has revealed so much about my heart: I was putting him on the back burner, I was sweeping my anxiety under the rug and naming it something else. But when we decide to turn the light on and see what's really lying at the throne of our hearts, we cannot ignore it. He lives here, and his promise to be present in all joyful and hard moments of life is never broken. He is God of the Universe, how could he break a promise? And no matter how many times I sweep him under the rug and pretend my strength is sufficient, he never leaves me. What is greater than a love that does not fail, even when we fail over and over again? I am busier in this stage of life than I ever thought I would be, but I am learning to give it to him. I am praying that thankfulness would flow in me and through me, and that my busy day-to-day life would look more like an offering and a confession that I cannot do it on my own. May he receive all the glory!