I am afraid. I am afraid of what will come of a desperate phone call in the middle of the night, of shadows from hanging shirts, of imaginative eyes in tall grass. I am afraid of losing money, of losing you, of saying words that cut and live in my heart. I am afraid of it all, like children, and I am afraid I will grow out of my child’s skin or that I never will. I am afraid we will one day run or compromise or pretend it is what it should be. I am afraid nothing will be as it was, and I know that it will hurt. I am afraid of the hurt. I am afraid of the truth, sometimes; when I know it’s mine for the telling and that it is fragile like glass. Fear presses in and promises never to let anyone too close – because the risk is too great. Fear promises to prepare me for what’s around every corner, to give me peace of mind because how else will I cope? Fear is a narrative about a thief who steals trust, a king and a slave, a promised remedy and a lie, and a grasping after what will never heal.
Powerful stuff in this post! Love your truth, your authenticity - the things I love most in other's writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Becky. I've had some practice writing about fear, it's always been a struggle but giving it a name helps in overcoming it!
ReplyDeleteOh, the promises of fear. It's a lie, but I suck it in every time. Initially, at least. That it would "prepare me for what's around the corner" is why I succumb. [Lightbulb of the brain turning on] It hadn't occurred to me that this is a reason why I am taken in by it. Being prepared is a good thing. Fear is so convincing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for "realing." It's refreshing. Thank you for your deeper reflections.
Cheryl, thank you so much; I totally resonate with the "lightbulb moment" myself.. Fear IS so convincing. Thanks for reading :)
ReplyDeleteGosh, you have such an amazing way of describing things that my brain cannot even fathom. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chelsea! I so appreciate it. And thanks for reading!
DeleteVisiting from FMF. I used the same pic in my writing today too. Funny what fear does to us. Have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteHA, that is funny. Well, it's a pretty solid/REAL pic. Thanks for popping over from FMF.
DeleteMollie, this is powerful stuff, this wondering and pushing the dichotomies fear tries to play on in our minds. Thank you for sharing your words here today, as it's so good to know we do not walk these fearfully thought out roads alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Missy! It is good to know we aren't alone, and I'm so glad you enjoyed my writing here.
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