Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Dear Houston: Today is hard

Today is hard. It's also the first time I've cried since we left Raleigh (other than dropping Hannah off at the airport). I can't seem to get up before 9AM and even if I am awake I just lay in bed. Aaron isn't even gone yet for his first rotation to Oklahoma but all I can do is count down the days instead of enjoy them. What will I do when he's gone? It seems really strange. Zoey is following me around wanting more out of me but I can't seem to do much. The smallest tasks are hard. It really is an every day sort of journey. One day, I'm walking Zoey, working out, believing the gospel, cleaning the house, looking for a job, and the next I am sitting on the couch staring at a wall. I let fear sweep in... I let productivity define me. I become self-defeating. Praying that the Lord would remind me of my purpose here, of my identity in Him. Praying that He will give me energy to face each day knowing I am not my own. 

But even as I write this, I know I am not alone and I know that the Lord is sovereign. 

Jesus says, “Continue steadily on with what I have told you to do, and I will guard your life. If you try to guard it yourself, you remove yourself from My deliverance.” Even the most devout among us become atheistic in this regard— we do not believe Him. We put our common sense on the throne and then attach God’s name to it. We do lean to our own understanding, instead of trusting God with all our hearts (see Proverbs 3:5-6).
- My Utmost for His Highest, The Overshadowing of God's Personal Deliverance


  1. Mollie,
    Amen. There are times when I'm blogging that the tears fall. For me, writing is therapy. Congratulations on laying it out there, placing it on the altar and waiting in faith.
    You are are not alone.
    Peace and good to you. Followed you here from a post on BlogFrog.
    Peace and good to you.

  2. Chelle,

    thank you. Writing is very therapeutic for me too. Thanks for the reminder that I'm not the only one. Peace to you!

  3. I have been where you are and it's not easy. But you are not alone. It's so great that you are able to put it out there. God will get you through this and will bless you. He is working on your right now.

    Hope things get better and will be saying a prayer for you.

  4. Natalie, thank you so much. It really does make the world of difference to remember that I am not alone in this. Thank you for your prayer and kind words!

  5. My Dear Mollie...

    Niel Gaiman, Author is his Commencement address to the University of the Arts...

    "Things go wrong, in life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health, and in all the other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this what you should do: make good art. I'm serious. Husband runs off with a politician? Make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by mutated boa constrictor? Make good art. I.R.S.on your trail? Make good art. Cat exploded? Make good art. Somebody on the Internet thinks what you do is stupid and evil, or it's all been done before? Make good art." :) Love you and your wonderful faith...Dad.


"Pleasant words are [like] honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24