Monday, June 2, 2014

Short and Simple

Sometimes I think the only way to escape that stagnant feeling in life is to hang on to old words or songs that grip you -- I mean really, fiercely grip you. During those busy seasons, it's terrifyingly easy to drudge through it all on autopilot, moving through the motions to pay your bills on time, stick to the plan, buy the right groceries, or live for that perfect weekend and moments of luxury in the midst of the mundane. 

Some days we want it all and some days we want to let it all cave in and live unconventionally, but most of the time the driving force that propels us forward are kind words, surprising reactions to the raw truth, solitude and God's word coming alive on the page or from the mouth of a stranger in a room full of people . . . . however we experience it, there are little bits of life that wake us up. One of the reasons I love blogging is because I can go back and look at my mind wanderings and my fears . . . my moments of despair and my moments of great joy. 

I see beginnings and endings on the page, I reimagine conversations that -- for whatever reason -- struck a chord with me or mornings that made everything new. I love looking back on the start of this blog three years ago and reading about how we made room for Zoey, the silly hound dog we were so nervous to invite into our family; the quiet moments I dreamed up as a barista; the day my life was turned upside down with the possibility of a move to Houston; the promises we make to each other and the promises I make to myself; the hard days and the joyful ones; the waiting days and the welcoming homethe stories we tell ourselves; the confessions of fear; the hunger for vulnerability; the soft spots and the funny, imperfect pieces of this life . . . . I could go on and on. No matter what I am facing, there are little words that I whisper (or shout) that are made for my current season of life.

Right now, my words are short and simple:

God, come get me. 

Hearing these words -- really hearing them -- brings joy and promise. It's time to let go of the illusion of control that I have, and it's okay not to know all of the answers. 

I'm also listening to this song and writing the words on my heart:


The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me
It doesn't hurt enough to make me forget
One moment of relief is never long enough
To keep the voices in my head
From stealing my peace

Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go

Perfection has a price
But I cannot afford to live that life
It always ends the same; a fight I never win
Oh, control, 
It's time, time to let you go

I'm letting go of the illusion 
I'm letting go of the confusion
I can't carry it another step
I close my eyes and take a breath
I'm letting go, letting go

There were scars before my scars
Love written ont he hands that hung the stars
Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me

oh control, 
It's time, time to let you go
It's time, time to let you go

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"Pleasant words are [like] honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24